There will come a day in your life where you must make a choice: either let yourself be a victim to your trauma or rise above it and grow. Triggers happen, and sometimes they can get the best of you. That's okay. However, it's common, and I'll include myself in this, to use these triggers as an excuse to avoid working on our growth and healing.
I fully acknowledge that in some cases, when trauma runs very deep or when mental health conditions are present, it isn’t that simple. But honestly, in any situation, admitting to yourself that you need help and that you are not okay is challenging. Taking responsibility for your choices in the present, despite your trauma, takes strength. It's almost easier to blame something or someone else, saying, "XYZ happened to me, and it wasn’t my fault, so my responses are justified." Yes, you were hurt, and yes, what happened to you was not your fault. You are entitled to your feelings. However, once you become aware that your trauma is controlling your actions and that your behaviors are toxic and hurting you, that's when you are positioned to make a choice.
When you enable your behavior and consistently justify yourself to others or place blame on others, it's a sign that you need to step back and reflect. Who are you really justifying your actions to? Who are you really mad at? Yourself or someone else?
I understand it is incredibly difficult to step into the unknown, especially if chaos and negativity have been your safe space. It might sound crazy, but for some, that really is their comfort zone because that's how they’ve survived for so many years. I was one of those people. Making the decision to heal was, and is, a choice I have to consciously make every single day. Being vulnerable is still challenging, especially when I have to hear that I am in the wrong or when I feel my parenting is being attacked. I have to consciously tell myself not to get defensive. Every day isn’t perfect; I still have days when my triggers win, and I take things too personally. I'll get heated and revert to "survival mode." But I have also learned over time how to vocalize my expectations, respect myself and my core values, and be willing to give instead of just taking in my relationships.
Never embark on a healing journey alone. Always have support people around you, and don't hesitate to seek professional help. There is a taboo around mental health, especially in certain cultures, where seeking help is seen as "crazy," "weak," "overreacting," or "you're too young." But you're not! You know yourself best, and mental health conditions don’t wait until you reach a certain age. Scientifically, teenagers are at high risk for depression. It is easier said than done, but don't let the need to be the “ideal” person or fear what society will say stop you from prioritizing yourself. Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, you have this life, and it's up to you to decide how you live it—miserably or fully.
